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A family that is united provides ideal
conditions for the success of its members in all facets of life — economic,
social, personal, and spiritual. 'Abdu'l-Báhá wrote:
Note ye how
easily, where unity existeth in a given family, the affairs of that family are
conducted; what progress the members of that family make, how they prosper in
the world. Their concerns are in order, they enjoy comfort and tranquillity,
they are secure, their position is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such
a family but addeth to its stature and its lasting honour, as day succeedeth
day…
What are the building-blocks of a united
family life? Some of the main elements that the Bahá'í writings suggest are
important are as follows.
- Creating a way of life centred on
spiritual values.
- Demonstrating loyalty and commitment to
one another.
- Applying the principle of the equality of
men and women.
- Respecting the rights of each family
member.
- Encouraging each individual to meet their
responsibilities to the family.
- Providing children with education in both
good character and knowledge.
- Giving service to the wider community.
At the heart of a strong family is the bond
between husband and wife, which will grow and endure if it is securely based on
a spiritual commitment.
Bahá'í marriage
is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual
attachment of mind and heart… Their purpose must be this: to become loving
companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity…
When the goals of a married couple are
oriented towards spiritual values, such as love for God and the desire to be of
service to humanity, they will create a way of life for their family that
expresses these values and leads to happiness.
Know thou of a
certainty that every house wherein the anthem of praise is raised to the Realm
of Glory in celebration of the Name of God is indeed a heavenly home, and one
of the gardens of delight in the Paradise of God.
Material goals, such as acquiring a
comfortable home, have their due importance, so long as spiritual principles,
such as justice, loyalty, and generosity, come first. A family that is
spiritually united can cope with adversity, while a family that is wealthy but
lacks a spiritual focus is vulnerable to forces of disintegration.
The equality of women and men is critical
to the success of families because it is an aspect of justice. Where women are
prevented by abuse from making their full contribution, this is a loss not only
to them but also to their husbands and children. Even in families that are free
from the worst excesses of male dominance, the struggle to achieve genuine
equality may involve more subtle challenges. For instance, if gender
stereotypes lead to condescending attitudes, when certain types of decisions
are under discussion, this can be very discouraging for a person who is treated
this way.
Men, as well as women, need to take part in
achieving true equality. 'Abdu'l-Báhá wrote:
The happiness of
mankind will be realized when women and men coordinate and advance equally, for
each is the complement and helpmeet of the other.
Another aspect of justice in the family has
to do with recognising the particular rights and responsibilities of each
family member:
The integrity of
the family bond must be constantly considered, and the rights of the individual
members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the
mother — none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary. Just
as the son has certain obligations to his father, the father, likewise, has
certain obligations to his son. The mother, the sister and other members of the
household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and prerogatives
must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sustained. The injury of
one shall be considered the injury of all; the comfort of each, the comfort of
all; the honour of one, the honour of all.
One of the greatest duties of parents is to
ensure the education of their children.
It is incumbent
upon every father and mother to counsel their children over a long period, and
guide them unto those things which lead to everlasting honour.
Each parent contributes their own unique
strengths to the raising of the children, and generally there is a degree of
difference between the roles of mother and father, especially in the early
years of the child's development. Since the natural orientation of the infant
is primarily to its mother, usually it is the mother who takes a leading role
in their children's earliest education, which begins in infancy. On the other
hand, fathers have a duty to provide emotional and material support for the
mother. As children grow, the direct involvement of fathers in their children's
lives of course needs to increase.
These general observations should not be
taken as a rigid recipe for family life, as the particular contribution of the
mother and father varies widely from family to family, and in each family it
changes over time. Families need to adapt to the conditions brought about by differing
income levels, how much support is available from extended family, and so
forth. They need to find ways of coping with misfortunes like divorce, or the
death of a marriage partner, periods of unemployment, and so forth.
A healthy family is outward-looking, not
just focused on its own wellbeing, since each nuclear family is a unit of the
whole human family. A strong family makes effective contributions to its
extended family, the local community, the nation, and even to the world.
Compare the
nations of the world to the members of a family. A family is a nation in
miniature. Simply enlarge the circle of the household and you have the nation.
Enlarge the circle of nations and you have all humanity. The conditions
surrounding the family surround the nation. The happenings in the family are
the happenings in the life of the nation.
The family, at its best, is an environment
designed for bringing out the noblest qualities in people. But seriously
dysfunctional families tend to raise children who become social misfits or even
criminals. Enhancing the wellbeing of families is a goal that no society can
afford to neglect.
Quotations in context
Click on the links below to search for
quotations from this page, in Bahá'í reference websites.
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